Thursday, May 2, 2013

Dreams of a lonely submissive

As I work on the next installment of the story of that fateful summer with Jack, (more sex! more biting! more firsts!) I thought I would take a little break and write an interim post. About dreams. 

I've always had very vivid dreams. Usually they are a mix of the mundane and the absurd, often violent, full of blood, sex and danger. So many dreams I've had seem to be chapters in an epic story that has no end. Chase scenes, evildoers, friends who become monsters, or monster hunters, mysteries to solve, tragedy to overcome and always I am running running running. The settings have been medieval, futuristic, post-apocalyptic. I chalk this up to an overactive imagination, thoughts and emotions that need to work themselves out through my subconscious while I'm sleeping, and the scary, intense books I read and television shows I watch. 

My favorite dreams, of course, are the sex dreams. I don't often have sex dreams, but when I do they are very real. I wake up aroused, sometimes even touching myself, feeling like something has really happened. Interestingly, the men I'm with in my sex dreams are rarely men I know in real life. They are either faceless, or totally made up. I don't recognize them. I  have had a few dreams about sex with celebrities, (there was one in particular involving Colin Farrell and a rock-lined grotto that was quite good) and one I remember involving a co-worker I had a huge crush on. I had already imagined a "working late at the office and some unknown man ravishes me from behind" masturbatory fantasy about this particular coworker. (Because, of course, I knew it was him though I pretended not to). But in this dream, everything was out of context. My co-worker (let's call him J) was a James Bond type spy, complete with tuxedo, and though the sex was super hot, I couldn't help but think, in the dream, that he had to hurry up and fuck me so that he could go catch the bad guys. It seemed there was some place more important he was supposed to be. In real life, J was such a nice guy, and a writer, like me, but in the the dream he was kind of dark and intense. Which, of course, was a huge turn on.

Though I'm not sure I've ever had a sex dream that involved a significant other at the time of our ... um ... significance, I did have dreams about Jack. When we were together back in that fateful summer, I dreamt of him all the time. Not sex dreams, though, I don't think. I unfortunately don't remember. But he invaded my dreams like he did my every waking moment. I never wanted to be without him, even when I was sleeping.

And then, in our more recent relationship, after I had given him my submission, given him myself, I dreamed of him as well. Sex dreams, weird dreams, regular going to the store dreams. Combinations of all three.  Again he was a part of me, his presence seeping into my every pore, firing the electric wires in both my body and my brain.

There are two such dreams that I want to share. Both because they were very arousing, bringing me almost to the point of orgasm as I slept, and because I know why I was dreaming these dreams. 

I know I haven't gotten to that point in the story yet, and I may not be there for a while. I'll try not to write any spoilers. What I will say, as preamble, is that early on Jack and I often posed the question ... could our relationship, as Jack and Shea, as Master and pet, as Dom and sub, work long-term in "the real world." How could we be who we really are, the selves we were discovering together, and still live a real life, in a day-to-day existence. I won't say now how or if we found answers, but I think pondering those questions is part of what prompted these dreams. 

My memory of the dream starts "in medias res" ... suddenly there we were, Master and I, in the middle of the hardware store. A big box store, like Lowe's or Home Depot. We were in the large lumber section, looking at wood. I'm looking at my Master, looking at the wood, nothing on my mind but how sexy he is, in his jeans and leather jacket. He turns and looks at me, catching me watching him. His eyes darken as he gives me a slow smile. Oh, that look, it starts a warm swirling feeling in my belly. Master crosses his arms and says, "I think we should ask for some assistance." 

A rush of nerves makes my skin prick. I wasn't sure he was being serious. But when is he ever not serious when he plans these ... excursions?

"I ... um ... thought you said you knew what we needed to build the coop?" (A coop? Are we building a chicken coop? What the hell???)

"I do know what we need. But you don't. I think you should ask for help." Master slowly puts his hands in the pockets of his coat.

"Okay." I stammer. 

Master walks towards me and backs me up against the metal shelves behind me. He leans in to kiss me, his lips hover just over mine, but he doesn't kiss me. He just whispers into my mouth. 

"Shea. No matter what happens, act naturally. Ask the nice clerk some questions. If you let on to what you are feeling, in any way, you will be punished. If he even so much as gives you a weird look, I will punish you, and I will show him what a slut you are. You don't want to give the nice clerk a blow job in the parking lot, do you?" I started to tremble. I could feel him smile against my lips.

"No, Master. Not unless it pleases you."

"That's my good girl. Now, go be a damsel in distress and ask for some help. Your choice. I'll be watching."

Master backs up and with a gallant gesture, ushers me along. I take a deep breath and look around. At the end of the aisle is a young man, younger than me certainly. Probably in his early twenties. Cute. I approach him, feeling Master's eyes on me all the way down the aisle. 

"Excuse me?" 

The clerk turns towards me. He's cuter up closer than I thought he was. "Yes, ma'am. Can I help you find something?"

I'm about to open my mouth when I feel it. A soft vibration between my legs. How did I forget? Before we left the house, Master had strapped a vibrator onto me, one that was controlled by a wireless remote. It was a purple butterfly, and it was nestled up against my pussy, the stiff antennae of the butterfly touching my clit. 

I close my mouth, and then open it again. "Yes ... uh ... I'm building a chicken coop, and I'm wondering what the best wood to use would be?"

Really. Could I sound any more like an idiot?

The cute clerk smiles and starts telling me something, but I can't really hear him as I'm distracted by the humming between my legs. My pussy and my ass start tingling but it's a low setting, so far, and I think I can handle it. How many settings are on this damn thing?

Cute clerk is motioning me down another aisle, so I follow. Mercifully, Master has turned the vibe off. For a moment. We round the corner to confront a bunch of boards that look just like the boards from the aisle we just came from. I look to my left and see Master inspecting some wood from down the aisle. His hand is in his jacket pocket. Uh oh. 

Clerk starts to talk again, but as soon as he does, the vibes goes off again. Stronger this time. I lock my eyes on Clerk's face, trying to concentrate on what he's saying. Trying to ignore the deliciousness that is going on in my pants. Oh, but it feels so good. The butterfly is touching every part of my pussy, and my tight jeans are holding it firmly into place. My stomach muscles are starting to spasm, just a little, and the warmth is starting to spread from my belly up through the rest of my body. I dig my nails into my palms in an attempt to stave off the rising sensations.

Clerk has noticed the rapt attention I am paying to whatever he is saying and has started making wild and interesting hand gestures to describe ... things. 

My pussy is starting to become engorged, and I can feel my breathing start to change. I can't stop touching my hair. I can't stand still, the vibrations are sending waves of pleasure all through me. Even my breasts are tingly now, and my nipples are hard. I sneak a peek at Master, but he is looking nonchalantly at some bit of hardware. I have to move, or I will lose it.

"Oh, that's very interesting. What about ... fasteners?" I say in a voice that is not quite my own.

Clerk looks confused and I mumble about keeping the chickens in or predators out. Are we really building a chicken coop? Where? In the back yard?

I suddenly notice Clerk is walking, so I follow him. We walk right past Master, and when we do, he turns the vibe up to full speed. Oh god! I gasp and trip a little, and I hear Master laugh. Clerk turns to look at me and asks if I'm ok.

"Fine!" I manage to squeak out. It's so hard to walk and stave off an orgasm at the same time! I probably look drunk. All I want to do is stop and lean against that rack of padlocks and give in to it. Just grab onto the metal shelves, close my eyes, and feel myself slip over that edge. Let my hips rock as my ass clenches and scream out, Oh fuck! as I cum hard, over and over, until Master takes mercy on me and turns off the vibe. But I can't. I have to follow the nice cute Clerk over to the aisle of ... fasteners. Every nerve is on fire, my pussy is wet and spasming with pleasure, and I'm pretty sure I can hear the buzzing of the vibe as I walk unsteadily along. I'm sure Master is following closely behind.

Suddenly the vibe stops. Oh sweet mercy, Thank You! My whole body shudders with relief and perhaps a bit of disappointment. I can still feel the ghost effects of the vibrations on my poor swollen pussy. Now that the sensation is gone, my body wants it back. I'm aching with frustration. As Clerk picks through bins of shiny metal ... thingys ... it's all I can do not to press my hand between my legs. My face feels shiny with perspiration. 

What is Clerk doing now? He's demonstrating some latches, I'm assuming. I still can't focus on what he's saying. He's very animated about whatever he is telling me, but maybe that's because of the unusual amount of attention I seem to be paying him. I must focus on Clerk. I must not wish for the vibe to turn back on. I must not orgasm right here in the shiny thingy aisle. I don't want to have to give this nice young man a blow job in the parking lot. Would Master really go that far? There was really no way to know. 

Ohhhh, fuck. I bite the insides of my cheek to keep from moaning out loud. The vibe suddenly hums to life. My stomach muscles and ass clench, but I don't think Clerk has noticed. I can only assume that Master is somewhere behind me, down the aisle. He is really testing me now. The vibe alternates between low and high speeds, at a very rapid rate. It's like being stroked mercilessly, deliciously, torturously ... oh my god, I don't think I'm going to be able to hold it together. I nonchalantly (I think) reach out and rest my hand on the nearby shelf. I step slightly towards it. Clerk is still blathering on, god, won't he stop? Can't there be some hardware emergency that he must respond to ... my legs are trembling uncontrollably, and I'm starting to pant a little, but I don't think it's noticeable. God, I hope not. I dig my nails into my palms again in desperation. I can feel a slickness between my pussy and the silicon butterfly vibe. I'm too hot. I'm fiddling with my hair again, I want to pull it, I want to pinch myself, I'm already literally biting my tongue to distract myself from the call of my impending orgasm, it's rising, rising, the waves of sharp pleasure are reaching wrapping their fingers around every muscle, every part of me is taut with the strain and the vibe is relentless, high low fast slow high low fast slow oh oh oh oh OH ... and it's off again. 

I sag with relief but my body has gone past the point of no return.  I need release. I don't care how I get it or what kind of trouble I get into. Even though the vibe is off my whole body is thrumming with desire. My skin is tingling, my pussy is wet and aching, my stomach muscled won't stop spasming and all I can thinking about is that sweet relief, or ... even better ... a hard fuck. Because when I get this aroused, or after a purely clitoral orgasm, I am overcome with the desperate desire to feel Master's beautiful cock pushing into me. Hard. Hard. Hard.

Someone walks past me down the aisle, and I know it is Master. Clerk is asking me something about chicken wire. For the chickens. Chickens? Why are we talking about chickens? My ability to think coherently has been compromised. Clerk seems to be waiting for some kind of response from me but I don't know what to say. I see Master over Clerk's shoulder. He is looking at me. He is not laughing anymore. He looks ... not angry, exactly. Just ... darkly serious. He makes a motion with his head that tells me he wants me to follow him. Oh thank god! It's over!

I mumble some thanks to Clerk for being so helpful and hurry on weak trembling legs after Master. I don't know where he has gone. I'm rounding the corner into the gardening section when a hand grabs my elbow and pulls me over to the side. It is Master. He rushes me a bit down into a dead-end aise of hoses and fake trees. He pushes me against the shelves and leans his body into mine. I think he is going to kiss me and I reach up to touch him, but he growls in my ear, "Put your hands behind you back." 

I grab the dusty metal shelves at the small of my back and resist the urge to grind my hips into his. This urge is almost too much to bear. I start panting for real this time.

"How do you feel, Shea, my little pet? Are you desperate to cum? I could tell by your body language that you were barely holding on back there. What's the matter, didn't you want to give that boy head in the parking lot while I watched?"

I don't know what to say so I say nothing. His breath is on my ear, so I can't see his face. I moan a little, I can't help it. I don't know what I want him to do. And it doesn't matter what I want anyway. He would do whatever he pleased, and I would be happy with that.

Master reaches one hand under my t-shirt and pushes my bra up over my flushed breasts. He runs his thumb over my nipple and feels how hard it is. He makes some small appreciative noises in my ear, like an exhale of "Ahhh" and then pinches my nipple, hard. Oh god that almost puts me over the edge right there. My hips buck and press against him. I put my head back and groan. 

"Shea, you were a good girl and did as I asked. Do you want to cum for me now?"

Out of the corner of my eye all I can see are fake green leaves and curls of hose. The flourescent lighting glares down on us. I can hear the noise and bustle of the store just past our secluded little aisle. But none of that matters. His hand is still on my breast and that's all I can feel. 

"Yes, please, Master." I whimper, breathing against his neck. 

Master pulls back and looks at me, our eyes just inches apart. His are dark and shining. 

"I'll let you cum if you can do it in 10 seconds. If you can't, I won't let you cum for the rest of the day."

Oh god. Please not that. 

Master puts the hand that isn't under my shirt in his pocket. I braced for what I desperately pray is coming. 

The vibe kicks into life on high speed. My whole body jerks and I gasp out loud. All the nerve endings in my pussy that had been ramping down were firing back up. Master takes his hand out of his pocket and presses it hard up between my legs. He is pressing that wildly vibrating butterfly even harder against me, against my clit. He starts moving his hand in slow small circles, and with his other hand he pinches my nipple again, hard. He is still staring into my eyes, and though I want to close mine, I don't dare break eye contact. He starts to count, slowly.

"10 ... 9 ... 8 ..."

My legs start to tremble and I start to breathe heavily. The waves of insane pleasure are starting to roll up over me, and my anus starts tingling. I am getting there, quickly, but will it be quick enough? 

"7 ... 6 ... 5 ..."

Oh my god, the waves are cresting, I am there, on the edge, I just have to let go and drop in, my whole body is on fire, and my hips thrust forward straining towards him, every muscle taut, my stomach and ass muscles clenching and spasming, my hands sweaty and slipping in their grip on the shelves behind me.

"4 ... 3 ..." 

I can't help it. I start moaning loudly. "oh god oh god oh my god oh my god Master please please ..."

" ... 2 ..."

Master takes his hand out from under my shirt and clamps it over my mouth. At the same time he presses his hand even harder up between my legs. That's all it takes.

" ... 1 ..."

I let go and give myself to the orgasm. And god, I cum hard. My body stiffens and I fight to maintain eye contact with Master. He presses his body against mine to keep me standing. His hand over my mouth, god how I live for that, muffles my cries. I can feel a rush of wetness between my legs, my pussy engulfed in the fire of orgasm. 

And I can't stop. The vibe is still on high, pressed hard into me by Master's hand,  and the orgasm keeps rolling on. If he hadn't put his hand over my mouth someone would  hear me wordlessly crying out. Wave after wave of sharp pleasure washes over me, and it is so intense it was almsot painful. And Master just stares at my face, drinking in the naked abandon and desire he sees there. The raw emotion on my face as the orgasm controls me. 

Finally he takes his hand from between my legs, and suddenly the vibe is silent. Ahhhhh, such relief. I sag against the shelves, drained of energy. My body is still spasming, rocked by the aftershocks of the intensely powerful orgasm. Master takes his hand away from my mouth and growls in my ear again.

"You are amazing, my little slut. And you are mine." It is exactly what I want to hear. 

He takes my hand and pulls me away from the shelves. My shoulders ache after being bent back and leaned upon.

"I think you will be giving head in the parking lot after all. But not to some green boy who doesn't deserve you."

Master looks back at me over his shoulder as he pulls me along. "And if you do well sucking my cock, Shea, I'll let you decide if you want me to turn the butterfly back on while you do it." 

He laughs at whatever expression I have on my face, and pulls me out into the sunshine. So much for the chicken coop, I guess.

Maybe if I am a really good little pet, and worship his cock the way he likes it, later he will give me what I really want, what I really need. There is an ache that has started between my legs within my wet swollen pussy, and it is radiating up into my belly. An emptiness that cries out to be filled. 

Maybe if I please him well, he will fill that emptiness. I need him to fuck me and fuck me and fuck me ... so, so hard. 

Well. I may have gotten carried away with transcribing that dream. I may have ... embellished, made it more narrative, as dreams get so weird and don't make sense anymore when you try to tell them. For instance, in my dream, that last scene, when Master  lets me cum, finally, we were inexplicably in the bathroom of a Starbucks, when we had been at the hardware store moments before. But the basics really were a part of my real dream. The butterfly vibe (which I do actually own) the clerk, the instructions to seek assistance, the threat of giving head to a store employee, the plans to build a chicken coop (?!?!?!) and the final, amazing release. I woke from that dream sweaty and so aroused it was pretty easy to bring myself to a real orgasmic release. 

I will have to write a part two tomorrow, as there is another dream I'd like to tell you about. 

Dreams are amazing and funny and weird, aren't they?


  1. I wish I had dreams like that ...

  2. Testing =)

  3. Dreams are wonderful, frustrating, inspiring and frequently too soon forgotten. Insomnia is currently robbing me of mine, so I'm glad you're able to recall yours.


    1. Thanks, anna! I was happy to remember this one, absolutely. I wonder sometimes, if I can remember so many of my wild weird dreams, just imagine the ones I've forgotten! ;)

  4. Testing testing 123

    1. Thanks Anon. I think I've got the bugs all worked out. :)