“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.”
This quote by Anais Nin has had a profound effect on my life. A few years ago I was struggling with the immense feeling of ... a lack ... of something missing from, well not my life, exactly, but from inside of me ... I felt lost. My self confidence was very low. I didn't feel like ME and I didn't know why.
A friend shared this quote in an online message board discussion about erotica. I read it and and and ... I could actually feel something inside me click. I could HEAR it. I let out a deep breath that I felt I had been holding for years. It was the beginning of an amazing time of discovery that has opened me up, led to complete exhilaration and also complete heartbreak.
But nothing else I've come across has more succinctly captured the truth about submission. How powerful it is. The strength there is in it. The incredible gift it is to both give and to receive.
And as I now struggle once again with those feelings of being lost, of losing, I read this quote and I whisper to myself in the dark, "remember, remember, remember."
And I wrap my arms as tightly as I can around the ME that I found, and I try really hard not to let go.
I know I owe you all a story about the beauty of the blow job. It's coming soon, I promise.